Scenes provoking random thoughts

I remember reading a short story when I was probably in my late 20’s that was written by an exhausted young mother who decided to take a 3-4 day vacation for herself.  Just to get away from the constant stress and pressure of being a mother, and even a wife.  She couldn’t wait to go.  She took a couple of books, her swimsuit and plans for lots of sleep.  The first couple of hours was great; pool, book and rest.  Then within a few hours unplanned thoughts set in.  Her children, her life, her worries…everything she was trying to get away from came creeping back into her mind.

I took a break like that when my kids were younger, still living with me.  I went to a conference in Tampa, Florida but decided to go a few days early before the conference started so I could get away from everything that the young mother I spoke of was trying to get away from.  I brought two books and my swimsuit too.  Unfortunately, like anyone else, I brought my thoughts with me too.  Why I thought they would stay in Austin…I’m not sure.  Never really can run away from thoughts, especially when you give yourself time to think about them!

Baking

Baking

Hot sun = Baked skin.  But as my skin was baking lots of thoughts from my brain come creeping out like crazy.  I mean I’m not crazy but I’m talking about thoughts I hadn’t thought about in a long time.  Keeping busy keeps thoughts at bay.  As I try to keep my thoughts at bay I look around the pool and to one couple I want to say “No public displays of affection please.”

I then see a helicopter coming close, and lands on top of the hospital that is right across the bay from the hotel I’m staying at.  Not a good sign.  Here I am outside getting sun…and somebody is in bad enough shape to get to the hospital really fast.  So fast they needed a helicopter.  I think it could be somebody’s mom, or daughter, or son or sister or dad.  This is an unexpected kink to my day.  I rarely have an opportunity to think about so many things that tug at the heart.  (I later found out that nobody got hurt or anything because someone was filming a John Travolta movie that involved flying in a helicopter over Tampa Bay!  The Punisher )

I look around and see more and more people joining me and the affectionate couple, at the pool.  Kids, more lovers, grandparents and readers like me.  I also notice the music being piped in is pretty good too.  I look around and see that one couple just prayed before they ate their chicken nuggets they brought with them to poolside.  Hmm…pretty cool.

I’m drinking a $6.42 strawberry daiquiri.  Lots of strawberry but no daiquiri, if you know what I mean.  I guess the $6 was for the strawberries and the .42 was for the daiquiri.

The lovely couple that likes showing public affection had left for a while but came back out to poolside about 30 minutes.  Hmm.  Anyway, she is still dressed in a bathing suit but he is now nicely dressed.  I notice now that she is beautiful and he is too…but she knows she is beautiful and he doesn’t know he is beautiful.  I like him better.  She’s a photographer, I have figured that out but I don’t know what he is…should I ask him?  She is one of those beauties that don’t come around very often.  The kind that women envy – but I think she needs to smile more.  I’m not sure if they are really happy – something is missing.

I do like to see people happy though.  That makes me smile.

I think one of my assets is my smile, but the problem is I don’t smile enough.  I remember at my one and only wedding I smiled so much that my face hurt by the end of the day.  It kind of put me off smiling for a while I think.  My lack of a smile also makes me remember that I could always tell when my mother was faking her smile.  I mean I could really tell!  I always hoped that I was the only one who could tell.

Reading a really interesting book now – just got started and I can already tell it’s going to be really good.  ATONEMENT by Ian McEwan.  I wonder if the girl, the main character in the book is bi-polar.  I may never find out.  I may be the only one who knows this; Ian McEwan may not know this.  But I think she might be.

A little boy walked by me with his family.  They were going inside from the pool area as I hear the little boy say to his family, “I’m going to press the elevator buttons and you guys can’t!”  Gosh it was so cute.  He was so happy … oh to be a child again.

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About Caroline

Daughter, Sister, Mom... I think the best thing I've done is to be a mom, to give my kids my love but not my thoughts and to listen, observe, offer advice when needed.
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