First grade, barely remember it…except for my first perpetual admirer. Ugh. Admirers are absolutely awesome if you like your admirer but if you don’t like them, well, it’s just a horror story.
My horror story began one day on the playground of Douglas Valley Elementary School on the Air Force Academy in Colorado Springs, Colorado.
I didn’t like my first admirer AT ALL. I mean, I was in the first grade and I had no idea going into the first grade that I’d have an admirer. I mean, it was usually my twin sister who I thought got all the attention…not me!
My admirer always tried to chase me at recess. That’s how I knew he liked me. I mean every day I had to look over my shoulder to see if this guy was trying to chase me down. I just wanted to have a good time playing on the playground for goodness sake. I didn’t want to be worried about my unwanted admirer running for me in attack mode.
One day I was bound and determined to get as far away from him as possible. I ran for the monkey bars because that seemed like a place he wouldn’t try to tackle me. I climbed up and across the monkey bars in stride and then threw my little body to the slide that was attached to the monkey bars. My admirer was closing in on me so I knew I had to slide fast. Little did I know my admirer had a rubber jump rope in his hand and he decided that this was the day he was going to catch me, no matter where or what I was doing. As I slide down the slide I noticed immediately that my admirer had run around the slide and was almost at the bottom of the slide while my little body hit the ground. I whirled immediately around and started grabbing the sides of the wide slide and I started pulling myself going UP the slide. I will prevail!
I did not prevail. This now assailant (and no longer admirer in my eyes) apparently had figured out that the only way to “get” me was to throw the rubber jump rope around my body like I was some kind of animal or something. I completely remember, to this day, I was going up the slide looking up at the top of the slide praying to get to the top of the slide when I feel this rubber jump rope catch my mouth and teeth and pull my head back with a lot of force. My assailant had thought the jump rope would be a good way of pulling me down towards him. He was about to find out what it really did to me.
Before I could even turn around I could feel warm blood and see red blood squirting out of my mouth. It hurt like there was no tomorrow and I turned around as I was in shock and not even crying yet. My assailant who apparently thought this was a good idea to finally get me…looked at me and screamed and ran away like a chicken. I must have looked like the Bride of Frankenstein of something!
I’ll never forget it. Little did I know I had lost all 4 of my front teeth! I swallowed 2 of them, found one of them on the ground underneath the slide later and one of my front teeth was dangling by a muscle thread in my mouth. Lovely.
I only saw my once admirer now assailant look at me from afar on the playground from that day on. And really, he created a problem with anybody looking at me admiringly, for many years. With no teeth for a few years (thank goodness they were all baby teeth), I had no front teeth it seemed like forever until the adult teeth came in a bit early because now they didn’t have to work themselves out…they just came out. One of my front teeth came in so crooked that it resulted in a beautiful mouth of braces later on in life. Ah the life of Me!
I do remember being really upset that I couldn’t eat corn on the cob for several years after that. It was just not fair. All because of some weirdo with a rubber jump rope.